If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
