just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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