I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
