Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
