why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
