My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
