The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
