woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
