you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
