Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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