I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
