i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
