So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You were trust falling into bushes
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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