some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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