i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
