I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
