apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
