He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well I just put wine in my tea
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
