how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
