I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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