she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
