So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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