Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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