These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
