THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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