this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
