I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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