WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
