The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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