false alarm. still invincible.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
