If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
