i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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