oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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