I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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