Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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