K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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