I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
