haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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