I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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