Will you blow on my dice?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
