i wish my penis had a tongue
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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