Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Terrible idea I love it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
