she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
