Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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