Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
