Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
