So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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