I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
