no, he came in my armpit
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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