okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
