weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
