I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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