I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
