Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
